Today at the Doctor's office I got news that I've been expecting but not wanting to believe for quite some time. In fact, for many months, and possibly even a year or so, a kindly Jewish friend of mine has been unprofessionally diagnosing me, and doing so correctly.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am *officially* and increasingly...
LACTOSE INTOLERANT.
Allow me to offer some assurances to those who know me well enough to have heard me suggest that I would most certainly "take my own life" if I ever found out that this was true of me: I am probably not going to do that. But I am a little bit sad. Sad because I will now have to reduce my intake of delicious foods, including, but certainly not limited to the following list [additional submissions welcome]:
Milk, Cheese, Ice Cream, Lattes, Coffee with Cream (AKA the only way to drink coffee), Mac and Cheese, Yogurt, Frozen Yogurt, Cereal with Milk (is there any other way to eat cereal?), Fill in this Blank with Milk, etc.
Can anyone help me find a silver lining to this dark cloud of depression?
Seriously, compiling that list has gotten me down.
Turning in my shoelaces and sharp objects...
dj
1 comment:
Dave,
Please don't be angry at Lactose. It's only doing its job.
Concentrate all your bitterness, rage, malice, hate and anger toward one thing: FIFTH THIRD BANK.
It's the stupidest thing I ever heard, and I'm beginning a campaign to ridicule it openly.
Join me.
[r]
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